The School of Fear Page 11

would pain his Padawan to know it. In many ways, Anakin was still a boy. A

  wounded, loving, anxious boy with great gifts he did not fully understand.

  Yet he was also a young man, close to maturity, who could do great

  harm. To others, yes. To himself, most of all

  "They were going to conduct a raid on Andara," Anakin said, tired of

  Obi-Wan's silence. "But first they were going to kill me - "

  "I know," Obi-Wan said. "Everything was on Gillam's datapad. Which you

  would have known if you had searched for Ferus."

  Anakin flushed. "I didn't know where he was." "You did not look."

  "I thought perhaps he was on leria or Andara. I thought the secret

  squad knew where he was - "

  "You did not even look!" Obi-Wan shouted. "Your fellow Jedi was

  missing, and you did not even look!"

  "I thought it best to continue under cover," Anakin said. His face

  showed his surprise at Obi-Wan's harshness. Obi-Wan never raised his voice.

  "I had infiltrated the squad. I thought my best chance of finding both

  Gillam and Ferus was to continue."

  "You were willing to participate in a raid that would have started a

  war," Obi-Wan continued. He had to struggle to keep his voice level. He

  needed to keep as calm as possible.

  "I didn't know about the raid!" Anakin protested. "I mean, I knew they

  were going to do something, but it was a dry run, designed to show the

  Andarans that they had the capability of invading their airspace. I didn't

  know they had plans to destroy their fleet. As soon as I did, I sabotaged

  the laser cannons."

  "Anakin, you left your fellow Jedi imprisoned and went off on a

  mission with a group of beings who you had no reason to trust," Obi-Wan

  said. "You were wrong at every point. Can't you see that?"

  Anakin said nothing.

  "You did not contact me to tell me Ferus was missing - "

  "I would have compromised our cover - "

  "You had a responsibility!" Obi-Wan's voice cut like a laser whip.

  "Just as I had one to Siri. You betrayed me and the Order by your actions.

  And your inability to see that troubles me the worst of all."

  "I am sorry, Master."

  Obi-Wan shook his head. Grief rose in him "Those are words you speak

  so easily, Padawan."

  Anakin's mouth closed in a line. "I don't know what you want from me."

  Honesty. Loyalty. Patience. Obedience. Obi-Wan thought these things

  but did not say them. Because, after all, they were only words, too.

  "I can only show you the path," Obi-Wan said. "You must choose to walk

  on it."

  "I just..." Anakin stopped. He took a ragged breath. "I thought you

  would be proud of me."

  I am proud of you. Obi-Wan wanted to say the words. They were true. He

  was proud of so much in Anakin. But now was not the time to tell him that.

  Or was it?

  Help me, Qui-Gon.

  But no matter how hard Obi-Wan listened, he could not hear the quiet

  wisdom of his Master. And now it was too late. Siri returned and signaled

  to him. It was time to go.

  "I will take this matter up with the Council," he said. "Of course,"

  Anakin said. "The Council. We can't take a step without it."

  "That's enough!" Obi-Wan snapped. "Come. The others are waiting."

  Anakin hesitated. The set of his mouth was stubborn. "Come, Padawan."

  Obi-Wan's tone rang with authority. Anakin's hesitation cast a chill on his

  heart.

  Anakin followed him. Obi-Wan did not glance back again.

  He felt shaken. Did Anakin understand that he had violated an

  essential part of the Jedi code? Did he know he had broken something

  between them? He had not fully trusted Obi-Wan. And so Obi-Wan had lost his

  trust in him.

  Not for good, he tried to reassure himself. And maybe not for long.

  Still, his step was heavy as he climbed up the loading ramp of the

  transport. His anger faded. Left behind was a feeling he was not used to

  experiencing. It was fear.